Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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