No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
