Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
