I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize