The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
