I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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