I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
