you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
