You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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