oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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