I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
