PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
