I'm laying in your front yard are you home
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
