I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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