I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
