Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
