I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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