but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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