Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
