Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
