i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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