i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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