is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
