Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
