I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
