can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
