At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
