Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
