I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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