The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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