I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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