you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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