I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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