That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
