then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
