So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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