you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
