About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
