I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
