remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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