No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I fill condoms, not promises.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize