So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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