hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I am midnight drunk by noon
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
