guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
