Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
