So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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