Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
