Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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