They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
