Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
