dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I checked into jail on foursquare
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
