I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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