Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
