Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I can text with my tongue
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
