Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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