Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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