You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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