just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
