went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
this just has baby written all over it
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
