oh god the rape fog is back!
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
