Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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