i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
