11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We talked him into tasing himself.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
