Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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